my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
