I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
