Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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