just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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