I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
