He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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