How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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