Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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