Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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