textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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