Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
