is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
