Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
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Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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