i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
