A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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