I'm going to jail i love you
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
