you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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