I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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