i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
