Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
