Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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