she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
