He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You took a bar mat shot.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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