mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
