New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
