I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
