Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
