i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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