I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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