Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
