we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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