Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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