Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
