he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
