no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
