Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
