she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
