We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
