I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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