I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
