i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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