This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
