The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
