During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize