You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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