We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
