I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
