His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
