At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
