she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
