Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
