Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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