I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
