Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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