i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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