Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
