Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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