don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize